TIMES MY SPIRIT LEFT MY BODY

Incidents of extreme discomfort
  1. Yogaworks Westwood March 2016
    During a warrior 2 a jack Johnson song came on and a middle aged very much white woman in tribal print capris and a gingham kerchief suddenly RAPPED along to the lyrics. So loudly. And did an upsetting noodle arm thing. Everyone was charmed (?!?!??!?!?) and I essentially lost oxygen & searched the room for an ally and finally found a very old man who had just plain sat down and we locked eyes and were like "...NO"
  2. When Carly Fiorina sang about Cruz's daughters
    Face down on sidewalk level shame
  3. Any time i have to do a sex scene in a play reading
    Ohp here comes page 43 normally translucent pale face flushes to sunburned idris elba maybe try casually adjusting your binder while they read the stage direction about his nipples you just knocked over 16 pencils leave the country
  4. Watching group dates on the Bachelor
    Arrange a tasteful service & refreshments bc I've passed
  5. When I mused aloud on how "real" the "no legs special effect" was on extra playing a civil war victim
    Thought I was opening a conversational door. Instead took 2-3 yrs off own life
  6. Obviously when moms use fake accent when talking to ppl w/ real accents
  7. When I was the reader for the auditions for the all black tv version of Steel Magnolias
    And my "Louisiana accent" was instead a foghorn leghorn car accident that set history back 100 years and Kelly Rowland had to see that