WHAT I WANT TO SAY TO MEN WHO HARASS ME ON THE STREET

It's getting warmer, which means it's the beginning of street harassment season! As I mentioned in a previous list, I have tits the size of pudding-engorged manatee pups, so every day (every day!) men on the street say really disgusting things and sometimes if I'm lucky they follow me! Here are some of the things I want to shout back.
  1. I SHIT MY PANTS AT WORK IN 2014
    FACE IT SIR IT HAPPENED
  2. I STRUGGLE WITH DEPRESSION
    I HEAR YOU THAT YOU WANT TO LICK IT BUT WHAT IF WE PLAN A LICK DAY AND ITS ONE OF MY PAJAMAYOUTUBESADSAD DAYS? DO 5 BOWLS OF OLD CEREAL COUNT AS NUTRIENTS SIR COME BACK
  3. I VERY MUCH HAVE MY PERIOD
    AND MY INABILITY TO BUY TAMPONS IN ADVANCE IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF WHY I DONT DESERVE HAPPINESS SIT DOWN SIR THIS WILL TAKE A WHILE I WAS BORN IN JULY SERIOUSLY YOU'RE GONNA WANT A CHAIR
  4. DID I MENTION I SHIT MY PANTS AT MY WORKPLACE VERY RECENTLY
  5. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! TZEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
  6. *slowly turn* *over course of 3 min give mouth-birth to whole dead rat*
    SIR WAIT YOU'RE THE FATHER
  7. "Really inspiring closing arguments today counsellor"
    This one said by another woman to me, then a basketball rolls to my feet and I make a basket 6 blocks away from hoop, and I buy myself a Carvel with rainbow sprinkles and fade into New York like the end of tootsie