Things I Figured Out This Week (It Was a Big Week)

  1. Don't tell yourself that you'll just buy deodorant when you get there. Because you'll miss your connection and end up at a hotel 5 miles from the Minneapolis airport that only has Old Spice Swagger for sale in the sundries shop.
  2. Someone decided that a re-heated omelette was a really good idea for a first class meal (yes, I ate it.)
  3. It shouldn't be that hard to change a car rental reservation. And I'm sorry, dude in India, for fussing at you, but telling me I was supposed to pick up my car yesterday was not helpful in any language. And to be honest we both knew that.
    The car rental dude at the counter told me never to try to work backwards in a car rental system. Just make a new reservation
  4. If you make a wrong turn that puts you on the road down to Laguna Beach, then just go to the beach.
  5. I need some sort of wristband that reminds me that I have PMS.
  6. My ego grows three times bigger when I wear the white blazer. Is this the problem with doctors?
  7. I do not understand intense passive aggression. Surely you know you are being ridiculous. Surely you know that I want to throw things at your head.
  8. My struggle with self discipline is most extreme when I am alone in a hotel room with Sunkist fruit snacks and control of the remote.
  9. It is only a matter of time before I rear end someone on the 405. I do not understand the CA driving pattern of 90 mph and then slam on the brakes.
  10. La Guardia is the human equivalent of a rodent maze. I feel like someone is taking notes on my multiple attempts to exit Terminal C.
  11. The best response to "did you have a good day?" is "No, Momma, I had an AWESOME day."