Today my wife @AlexaN and I are taking our teenage nieces to the zoo several hours away. This will be fun, but it does put a damper on some of my favorite jams as my nieces are still devout members of the Pentecostal church that I grew up in and which inspired CHICKEN, the gay YA romance novel I wrote and still haven't told my family about.
  1. Take Me to Church by Hozier
    Anything with the words "pagan" and "Goddess" is immediately out. Obvs.
  2. Holy Ghost by Borns (sorry, I don't know how to cross out the o)
    While blasphemy is a very specific sin having to do with attributing the works of Satan to the Holy Spirit or vice versa, I am not sure they have been fully taught the distinction between sex and Satan.
  3. Prayer in C by Lily Wood & The Prick and Robin Schulz
    There will be no questioning God's perfect plan for starving children and global warming in THIS car.
  4. I Don't Wanna Pray by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
    "Pardon, God and mom, if what I'm saying isn't fair, but I'm looking to become not the pray-er but the prayer." Is that Buddha? Sound kinda like Buddha, right?
  5. Harry Potter Scores by John Williams
    They recently told me their mom withdrew their permission to read the books so I'm just assuming the music is full of subliminal spells that summon forth the demon legions.
  6. Hamilton by Lin Manuel-Miranda
    The Founding Fathers were devout elderly evangelical Christians who came to America to keep prayer in school and Christ in Christmas. This would just be unnecessarily confusing.
  7. This Is Gospel by Panic! at the Disco
    Don't worry, kids. The true "good news" is that you get to spend eternity in Heaven with a whole lot of people who won't get your Harry Potter jokes.