THINGS I ONCE BELIEVED BUT NOW I DON'T

Inspired by @jacoblikeslists.
  1. That I could be an animal instead of a person when I grew up.
    Well, I wasn't wrong
  2. That Santa but more importantly Rudolph was real.
    I held onto Santa a lot longer than I should have because I didn't know how to cope with being a weirdo misfit if the story of Rudolph was a lie, and oh, by a lot longer, I mean I only officially gave up around 16
  3. That my first girlfriend dumped me because God was punishing us for having sex.
    The main problem with this theory in retrospect is that we never had sex
  4. That I was a Republican.
    I was a freshman and my dad had strongly implied the Anti-Christ would be a Democrat
  5. That I belonged in New York City.
    I tried but it was not enough like You've Got Mail or even Oliver & Company
  6. That the Rapture could happen at any second.
    The aesthetic of my nightmares was exactly this picture
  7. That I would never in a million years smoke weed.
    More like 420 million years amirite JC
  8. That I enjoyed attending music festivals.
    Please all of you stop touching me
  9. That I would never live in Arkansas again.
    Well this has been a plot twist