THINGS I ASSUME ABOUT RICH PEOPLE

  1. That they all do coke/have coke on them at all times
  2. They never get sick
    Because there are fancy shots doctors give them when they feel something coming on that knocks it right out.
  3. They have cheap toilet paper in their house
    This has been proven to me time and again. Every time I've been in a rich person's house, the bathroom comes equipped with the thinnest, roughest toilet paper. My father in law has heated leather seats in his car, but one-ply toilet paper in his bathroom. And before you say, "But Jamie, the bad TP is only used in the guest bathrooms" No, it isn't. Master bathrooms too, I FUCKING CHECKED. Pony up for the Charmin, Moneybags. Your ass will thank you.