TIMES I'VE HURT MYSELF THAT PROVE I'M A CLUTZ
Some of these are gross, consider this your warning, people who are eating.
- •Slicing my finger taking the cap off my deodorant
- •Trying to catch falling celery with a knife in my handAnd basically karate chopping the knife down onto my finger. Super deep cut.
- •Ripping all my eyelashes out using an eyelash curlerJust in one eye though, ensuring I looked like a freak for months. I probably cried the hardest at this one because vanity.
- •Falling down the stairsThen landing on my tailbone and fucking up my back for weeks. I legit thought I broke my ass.
- •Almost falling down the stairsI caught myself this time, but apparently by my big toe because I ripped my toenail clean out of my foot. It took almost a year to grow back. I went a fucking YEAR without getting a pedicure.
- •Stepping into the bathtubMy foot slipped and I came down HARD on the edge of the tub. My leg bruised immediately, and the bruise lasted for over two years. Yes, really.
- •Slicing the tip of my finger off while cutting cheese for a cheese trayAnd then not noticing until my aunt asked me why there was a bloody fingerprint on every slice of cheese.
- •Dropping my phone on my face in bedAnd giving myself a black eye
- •Dropping a lit cigarette in my braI burned the shit out of my tit AND ruined my favorite bra.