TOTALLY AWKWARD THINGS I HATE

  1. Avoiding eye contact with panhandlers at a red light
  2. Tripping over cracks in the sidewalk
  3. Running into your ex-boyfriend's friends/family
  4. Having to ask for extra meat on my pizza
    "Is that enough bacon?" It's NEVER enough bacon.
  5. Asking for extra of something and then getting way too much and having to act grateful.
    Listen, how was I supposed to know that you were gonna pour 10 oz of garlic oil on my pizza while making eye contact and asking, "Is this enough oil for you?"
  6. Inappropriately located garlic oil stains on my pants that look like jizz.
  7. Being too full to breathe and having to pant and exhale awkwardly and rub my belly
    Making me look 10x fatter
  8. This list probs should have been called AWKWARD THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME LAST NIGHT WHILE TRYING TO GET SOME PIZZA