HOW YOU GOT SO CUTE

Requested by the most wonderful @sophiack
  1. 1.
    My mom was cute.
    She was actually a cabbage patch kid.
  2. 2.
    My dad was cute.
    He was a Facebook video of a corgi running in slow motion.
  3. 3.
    I bathe in the blood of my enemies.
    Every other Sunday and on full moons, always. Bubble baths.
  4. 4.
    I'm actually a teacup piglet.
    A freaking teacup piglet.