What advertisements are teaching me as I watch live TV...

I don't watch much live TV anymore. I mostly watch Netflix and Hulu now. But I'm watching a UFC event live and it's frustrating to see all the commercials telling me how to think and feel. So I felt like it deserved a list of things I am learning.
  1. My home is in danger of falling apart and I desperately need insurance. Thanks Geico.
  2. I have been eating subpar biscuits all of my life. I shudder to think what I have been ingesting all these years. Thanks Hardee's.
  3. Batteries are apparently essential to living a full life. I saw a guy on a mountain that needed batteries otherwise he might die. Thanks Duracell.
  4. Family photos are somehow linked to baseball. I am very confused. Thanks baseball?
  5. Metro PCS is super cheap for cell phones so it must be the best right? I'm a fool for overpaying all these years with AT&T. Thanks MetroPCS.
  6. I could apparently be a legend of something if I rode a motorcycle. They did not give many details about how riding a motorcycle makes me a legend but I am assured that is how it works. Thanks Harley.
  7. I can fix any car if I go to AutoZone. The guy in the commercial said he would help me fix any car. So now I am super confident in my mechanic skills. Thanks AutoZone.
  8. Change my sleep, change my life... That's really what it said. So that's what I've been doing wrong. I thought I should be working harder but nope, just gotta change my sleep. Thanks Tempur-pedic.