PROS OF WATCHING 2 HOURS OF FOX NEWS A DAY

Gotta do it to make Songify the News. What's the silver lining?
  1. Finally start to understand nuances of my Uncle Sean Lennon's Facebook posts
    (Not to be confused with the real Sean Lennon even though Uncle Sean is older which is kinda a bummer for uncle Sean even though he gets to joke about it a lot at Boy Scout meetings.)
  2. Great training for interrupting ppl and asserting dominance at cocktail parties.
  3. Implicitly convinces me the 4 hamburgers I eat a week is well below American average
    Thus constantly encouraging me to raise my hamburger game
  4. The ads convinced me to buy all this gold
    And even though price has been dropping precipitously I have heard girls really like gold
  5. Don't have to watch MSNBC and Daily Show's constant reportage on Fox News anymore
  6. Looking at Bill Oreillys wattle and Sean Hannity's flattop has weirdly started to arouse me.
    Sad but true OKAY ITS NOT TRUE I JUST NEEDED A BOTTON OKAY