A list of the extensive amounts of foods I hate, and why
My wife gets very upset that I hate so many foods, so I figure this makes for a good first list.
- •TomatoesTomatoes are the mix of somebody's sneezy vomit that got caught up in a tart, bitter red orb. Even looking at a sliced tomato engages my gag reflex. Ketchup: totally fine. Raw tomato: vile.
- •Bell peppersWhen they're raw, they're tolerable, but I still feel like sassy fire is riding up my nasal canal threatening to burn up my nose hairs from the inside. But cooked bell peppers? Ugh, it's like slimy flaccid goo.
- •BananasThere was a point where I can remember enjoying bananas and I still like their flavor. In fact, I wish I could core a banana, because the firm parts of the banana are great. But that middle: might as well be snot
- •Any vegetable-based soup"here's a great idea: let's take some great vegetables, soak them in water until they lose all structure, slop it in bowl, and eat it with a spoon." I'll suffer gumming my food when my teeth disintegrate
- •Raw onionsIf I want acidic burn in my mouth, I'll drink some toilet cleaner
- •Grape tomatoesJust like regular tomatoes except now they're ruining my salad
- •Chili with chunks of onion, tomato, celery, or other crunchy vegetablesI'll use chips to give my chili textural contrast, thank you very much
- •Ground beef with raisinsMy dad really likes this for some reason. Just no
- •Raisins, prunes, and pretty much any dehydrated or sun-dried fruitAlso just no. You're passing off rotten food as real food. Stop it
- •Dates and figsI like the flavor, but it's like biting into a hunk of leather
- •Cheese whizI mean, this one is easy right? The cheese breeds in the can, right?
- •Any blended fruit (smoothies)I'm pretty sure all fruit breaks down into little rock hard bits or obnoxious strings. So mixing that crap together into a drink? I'll pass
- •Ground chickenChicken should be eaten either whole or in parts. Chicken was never meant to be ground up
- •Any fruit pie or cobbler or cakeSee vegetable soup except now we're cooking the shit out of the fruit rather than soaking out in water. Keep flaccid food away from me
- •StrawberriesSeeds. That is all
- •GrapesMostly texture. This one is hard to explain, but it's mostly texture