Types of people I'd put on a faulty airplane

I'm not exempt from some of these behaviors but I make an effort not to engage in all of them.
  1. Tailgaters
    There's a whole fresh lane open for you to pass so you can hurry up and wait at that traffic light ahead.
  2. Cart leavers
    Oh, I forgot: you're the only person in this grocery store using these aisles so leaving your cart jackknifed in the middle of the aisle makes sense.
  3. Non-signaling tortoise turners
    Nah, turn signals are just there for kicks. And make sure you come to a complete stop before you turn that slowly approaching corner.
  4. You work out and then moan a lot for the rest of the day because you want someone (anyone!) to ask what's wrong so you get affirmation about your workout.
    Why can't you just feel good and be pleased with yourself? Burns more calories, I hear.
  5. You think your handbag needs its own seat on a plane or public transportation.
  6. Gif or.."jif"...
  7. You who have mobility problems and then choose to cross against the light or not at the crosswalk. This includes you dragging your toddler with its tiny toddler legs across a busy median.
  8. You lead with criticism instead of what's good about someone else's efforts.
    Judgey. Me. Working on it.
  9. You respond to a Facebook invite with why you can't attend.
    No one. No. One. No one cares that you can't make it. The person who sent the invite sent it to everyone they know on Facebook. You are not special.
  10. You complain about how people behave on Facebook instead of just getting off Facebook.
  11. You know your IQ and think announcing it makes you smart.
    SHOW don't tell. Dazzle me with your enacted brilliance and not your drone-like adherence to fallible tests.
  12. You wear too much cologne or perfume.
    Spritz and walk through. Spritz and walk through.