WHY I HATE THE SUMMER MONTHS
They haven't always been hard on me, but for the past 10 years or so I've struggled with them. I think these may explain why..
- •It's hot and I don't do hot environments that well. But I love the Midwestern thunderstorms
- •My stepmom committed suicide above my bedroom at my dad's house when I was 15.I still haven't heard the reason as to why or possibly how she did it or if she left a note but I want to find out soon. My stepmom and I were ridiculously close because of our interests, despite what my mom thinks.
- •Going on six years now my dad passed away from cancer in the same house.I accepted the fact that he was going to die soon because his condition was so advanced, but I wasn't ready. I still had so much left to say to him and learn from him and now I think I'm forgetting him.
- •Six years ago I also had cancer (stage 3-4 ovarian) and while I got better and fought tooth and nail for my life my dad was rapidly losing his battle.When I was declared in remission I got a call from my dad's friend and other caretaker telling me that I needed to come home because I needed to say goodbye to him. So, as a result I fell into survivors guilt because I've survived my cancer while the others in my life that had it, did not.
- •Summer's usually meant that I had to spend them with with my mom and her and I have never had the best relationship.At the time my stepdad gave me everything I wanted despite me asking for it. My mom was fond of buying love and she still does that to my brothers now. I also spent most of my time those Summer's watching my brothers and being a built in babysitter. As someone that's not planning to have kids this really helped fuel that fire.
- •I hate shorts.Yay for projected body issues from your own mom.
- •There's too much downtime. I hate not having at least a little routine. That's why not having a job this summer (until I got one the other day) was the worst.
- •Now that I'm of drinking age my brother and I can't sit on the porch of my dad's amazing house with our dad and watch the storms as they roll in over the hills of Kansas.
- •Those are just some reasons why I've spent the past two, going on three summers of college abroad.Usually I've spent two weeks abroad and this time I thankfully get two extra weeks to see things and explore.
- •It rained during my dad's funeral and I saw that as a final goodbye from him to us and now whenever it does rain i take that as a sign that he's here watching over me.It's all bittersweet and makes me miss him more.