Total Apple Fanboy
  1. Settings
    I can set my phone on kickass airplane mode here!!
  2. Clock
    I can set an alarm to wake up in time for every blessed (pronounced bless-ed) day of my life!!
  3. Calculator
    I can figure out how old I am with this!!
  4. Calendar
    I can schedule cool fake appointments here like I am super duper important!! Looks like I am having dinner with Obama again tomorrow!!
  5. Camera
    I can take pictures of my food when I am eating alone so that I don't always feel so dead inside!!
  6. Contacts
    I can store actual girls phone numbers here so that I can think about texting them but never do!!
  7. Safari
    I can look at websites that give me butterflies in my tummy - like Wikipedia!!
  8. Mail
    I can get the coolest email ever from rich foreigners that want to give me money!!
  9. Messages
    I can send myself emoji with this!! 👍🏻🚀🍪⛄️
  10. Weather
    I never have to go outside or let the evil sunlight touch my body!!