Overrated Things (You Hateful Thaaang; or t.o.w. I Channel Lewis Black)
I'm very nice. Some say charming (ed. note: fact check pending). But sometimes I'm grumpy and cynical. This is one of few ways I'm unlike my mom, who recently said to me in her southern drawl, "Why you ol' hateful thaaaaaanggg!" I'm finally coming out as anti- a few things:
- •GazpachoSmoothies and juices are chilled. Soup is not.
- •Juices"Here's your $6. What's the men's room code? To save 20 minutes, I'm going to dump this straight in the toilet."
- •The Big Bang TheoryI just can't get into it.
- •Forcing yourself to go outside just because it's niceLet's not feel guilty if this is a lazy day enjoying the breeze through the open windows and the warmth of the sun through the glass. There will be other beautiful days, too.
- •Girl Scout cookiesCall me a grouchy, anti-cookie monster, but I'm just not a fan. Yeah, they're good, from what I remember. (I haven't had one in about five years.) The whole process stresses me out. The obligation, filling out the form, having cash, being approached outside Target, etc.
- •It's gone for me v. v. soon.
- •I never got into this at all.
- •AsparagusCan't we agree the best part is the flowery tip? Why not get a vegetable you can enjoy in its entirety?
- •Specialty cocktailsI enjoy one every now and then, and I truly appreciate talented bartenders. But I also know what I like and what I'm in the mood for. I'm butchering this (sexist) quote: "At some point, a man stops saying, 'I'll have what he's having,' and starts saying, 'I'll have what I'm having.'"
- •Fancy pizzaBroccoli isn't meant to go on pizza. Nothing about that texture works. Neither does barbecue sauce. I always prefer a crisp pepperoni.
- •SeinfeldI love it as much as the next guy. I just mean it is literally overrated when listed consistently as THE #1 sitcom of all time. Among the top yes. But maybe not THE top.
- •Farm to tableI definitely understand the benefits. But I also appreciate what a best friend said: "If I'm paying $20 for a salad, I just need to know that you found the freshest tomato you could find. I don't need to know where you found it."
- •I better stop.
- •(Ed. note: fact check complete. No second source to confirm "charming.")