Things I Could Have Done Without This Week

  1. The 3rd and 4th welcome announcements
    When we've been buckled in for 45 minutes, we no longer feel like guests on your 737. Make it quick so I can get back to my podcast.
  2. That giant condom on my new umbrella
    Seriously who's going to keep up with that?
  3. All the sales emails
    I get it, Macys. You got some great deals. Stop. Unsubscribe. Wait, this one looks good.
  4. Multiple Facebook pictures of my brother's sprained, bruised ankle
  5. The supermarket cashier shouting "21!"
    In other words, "That guy who bought vodka yesterday and gin the day before is trying to buy some Jack, and I'm too young to support this lifestyle by ringing it up. Did everyone hear me?"
  6. $6 toll fine
    I've driven in California twice. I did not see a toll. Apparently that's the problem.
  7. "Are you still watching Raising Hope?"
    Yes, Netflix, I am. And, yes, I know it's been 3 days.