Thoughts from Today's Flight from O'Hare to San Juan
- •I think monolingual Americans' problem with other people speaking Spanish is that they're used to eavesdropping.
- •I can't remember the last time I actually paid for an in-flight drink.They seem to hate pulling out the card runner when there's only one midday drinker in a 9-row radius, even when that guy orders a double and has his card out on his tray table.
- •When you find me an airport grab-and-go sandwich with an appropriate amount of filling for the ridiculous amount of bread, I will consider hiring that sandwich maker as a personal chef.Ive been searching for her or him for decades.
- •I will watch any kids' cooking show.Baking, being chopped, mastercheffing, you name it. If some of them have pig tails, some of them say grown-up things in child voices and all of them make me feel guilty for having eaten a frozen burrito in the past year, I'll watch it.
- •Why can't y'all make it 4 hours without farting or taking your shoes off?Do not try to work in my office.
- •The people on this flight are hot as shit.
- •I think I'm drunk.They really should start charging for vodka, you guys.