When I Played Cards Against Humanity With My Parents
My dad and stepmom invited me to hang out with their friends for drinks and games. I thought dominos or Trivial Pursuit. They thought Cards Against Humanity, which both @Fitz and I included as a no-no on my games 👍/👎 list (Board & Card Games That Are 👍 and 👎). Here are highlights from the very awkward night.
- •"Honey, what's this?"Me: "Oh. 'Smegma.' Well. That's, hmm, uhhh, a substance one may find in a very specific place." [Blank stare.] "And that place is under foreskin."
- •"Buttcake?"Me: "Well... not really. I think it's 'bukkake.' A funny word. The meaning doesn't matter. But don't google it."
- •Sex jokes about my dad
- •Sex jokes by my dad
- •Brushing legs with the hot Irish guy with the muscles and the low-cut jeans and the frumpy wife and the great sense of humor and the prominent nose and the subtle racist tendencies
- •"Oheeduhpal complex"Me: "Oedipal. It's a son-mom thing." Stepmom: "Oh." Then jokes all around the table about boys and tits. Hot Irish guy pretended to suckle on his mom, who was two seats down.
- •"'Organs'? I thought it said 'orgasms'!"
- •"Fucked-up shit"I have a filthy fucking mouth, but I've never said "fuck" in front of any of my parents. No choice when it's on the card.
- •"'Guzzling CUM,' not 'guzzling GUM'!"