My dad and stepmom invited me to hang out with their friends for drinks and games. I thought dominos or Trivial Pursuit. They thought Cards Against Humanity, which both @Fitz and I included as a no-no on my games 👍/👎 list (Board & Card Games That Are 👍 and 👎). Here are highlights from the very awkward night.
  1. "Honey, what's this?"
    Me: "Oh. 'Smegma.' Well. That's, hmm, uhhh, a substance one may find in a very specific place." [Blank stare.] "And that place is under foreskin."
  2. "Buttcake?"
    Me: "Well... not really. I think it's 'bukkake.' A funny word. The meaning doesn't matter. But don't google it."
  3. Sex jokes about my dad
  4. Sex jokes by my dad
  5. Brushing legs with the hot Irish guy with the muscles and the low-cut jeans and the frumpy wife and the great sense of humor and the prominent nose and the subtle racist tendencies
  6. "Oheeduhpal complex"
    Me: "Oedipal. It's a son-mom thing." Stepmom: "Oh." Then jokes all around the table about boys and tits. Hot Irish guy pretended to suckle on his mom, who was two seats down.
  7. "'Organs'? I thought it said 'orgasms'!"
  8. "Fucked-up shit"
    I have a filthy fucking mouth, but I've never said "fuck" in front of any of my parents. No choice when it's on the card.
  9. "'Guzzling CUM,' not 'guzzling GUM'!"