He was here 10 minutes and heard me say these things.
  1. On the phone to a coworker: "Who added 'literally' to this thing? Bunch of idiots at this place."
  2. To the microwave with its incessant reminder beeps: "Oh my God, I hear you. It's just soup! I mean, Jesus Christ!"
  3. "Never tell my mom I had company without making my bed."
  4. "Hey! That's TV!"