Things to say when people keep asking why I don't have children.
They just won't take "no thank you" for an answer. Nor do they think doing whatever I want, whenever I want is as fantastic as I do.
- •"I think my landlord is spiking our water with birth control, but I can't prove it"
- •"Oh our lord, Zorp, doesn't allow for that sort of thing. Praise, Zorp!"
- •"Oh, I'm already pregnant" - *takes gulp from wine glass*
- •"My eggs were stolen from me in Vegas. I woke up in a bathtub on ice"
- •"Sorry! No English!"
- •*starts crying hysterically* "please excuse me..."
- •"Oh I learned my lesson from you- what a disaster!"
- •"I was born without a uterus"
- •"I'm much too young for children" (will say this well into my 50s)
- •"You're right, I make bad choices, you're in charge of all my decisions going forward."