Things to say when people keep asking why I don't have children.

They just won't take "no thank you" for an answer. Nor do they think doing whatever I want, whenever I want is as fantastic as I do.
  1. "I think my landlord is spiking our water with birth control, but I can't prove it"
  2. "Oh our lord, Zorp, doesn't allow for that sort of thing. Praise, Zorp!"
  3. "Oh, I'm already pregnant" - *takes gulp from wine glass*
  4. "My eggs were stolen from me in Vegas. I woke up in a bathtub on ice"
  5. "Sorry! No English!"
  6. *starts crying hysterically* "please excuse me..."
  7. "Oh I learned my lesson from you- what a disaster!"
  8. "I was born without a uterus"
  9. "I'm much too young for children" (will say this well into my 50s)
  10. "You're right, I make bad choices, you're in charge of all my decisions going forward."