MOST TRAUMATIC THINGS THERAPISTS HAVE SAID TO ME

I've been out of therapy ever since I moved to SF and lately I have really missed my dude in NYC, Robert from South Africa. I went on so many bad dates before finding him.
  1. "It's not your fault, Steven."
    Who is Steven? 😢
  2. "Hold on one sec while I take this call."
    He took two calls in first/only session, in fact.
  3. "Sorry, do you want me to put some shoes on?"
    His naked feet were propped up on a stool. He also had three cats. One of the most uncomfortable hours of my life.
  4. "Well, since you asked this office is actually where I live with my partner. My wife lives on the other side of the building. We have an arrangement."
    Did not ask.
  5. "Your nose isn't THAT big."
    When my mom suggested I get a nose job.
  6. "I think if you tried a little harder with girls, you could be straight."
    To be fair, I'm a Kinsey 6.
  7. "I always say, 'If you're not killing anyone, you're doing pretty good.'"
    I guess I just hold myself to higher standards?
  8. "I'm afraid there is only one therapist in our office qualified to handle your issues."
    Happened during an intake at my college's counseling center. I felt sad but also unique being the owner of such special baggage.