Self aware observations

  1. Incessant need to open an app to divert my attention from paying attention to my work
  2. Waiting to open his snap
  3. Caring about what snaps I get directly vs. snaps I see on his story
    Who cares?
  4. Circadian rhythms are awesome. I somehow became a morning person.
  5. Maybe working late at night is bad/causes neurotransmitter dip.
  6. I'm not ready to give myself to someone else
    Love yourself
  7. Projecting. Lots and lots of projecting. Making assumptions about complete strangers based on context and outward appearances.
    I know that I will most likely receive attention when I want it/go looking for it. And even for just being openly myself. I'm still trying to find myself in other people.
  8. Internal monologue
    "What does it say if I'm with this person?" vs this person etc. Never feeling if I'm looking for myself in someone else.
  9. I want to control how he loves me so I don't get hurt again
    I don't have trust
  10. Forgive yourself for what happened with Chris
    Forgive yourself for beating yourself up over what happened with Chris. No hard feelings. Move on you're a better person/let it go.
  11. He's going to be a model. He is very comfortable with his body.
    So don't trip about him going to the pool. He literally used to go to the beach all the time.
  12. "My partner"
    Balanced influence: coco, style/movies/music.
  13. I have patience for people with whom I don't have to explain myself.
  14. You can "leave/replace" him just as he can "leave/replace" you
    Your fear is only in your head.
  15. He will treat some women better as their friend than they ever might be treated by a romantic partner
    It means a lot when he cares.
  16. I wanna write a children's book.
    What is the message?
  17. I don't wanna wait for you. It hurts too much. Letting go just seems like giving up.
  18. Stress is doing a lot to my hormones rn
    I haven't stopped break through bleeding since I missed one day of bc earlier this month.
  19. I'm unhappy. I'm lashing out.
  20. The Parent Trap strip poker scene probably informed a lot of my adolescent sexuality
  21. I want him to love me and for it to mean something
  22. I'm fucking exceptional. This PhD is for you. Come to do you work and examine your options for the future.
  23. "Prolific writer"
  24. You are my diamond in the rough/ I'd be lost without you in my life
  25. Why'd it take me so long to buy culottes?
  26. Waking up alone/not knowing I'm loved by someone. Someone sending me love when I open my eyes I feel unloveable.
  27. I can't imagine myself being physical with someone else.
    I want to be in love.
  28. I feel like I'm not good enough for him.
  29. I seek attention because I want validation. Not of me, personally, but of my thoughts and intellectual self worth.
    I'm caught between physical/material self expression (because the human self is a visceral being) and intellectual merit.
  30. I'm looking for him to be a distraction so I don't work/study because I'm scared of failing.
  31. I want to stop comparing. To love who I've been.
  32. Maybe fashion's a hobby and being an intellectual is who I really am
  33. I go to yoga to figure out how I'm feeling or to escape an overwhelming one. I lie to myself and default to "everything's fine" until I can't ignore it anymore.
  34. Fear and worry are my greatest motivations.
  35. Non-empty pursuits can be fun too! You worry because something becomes meaningful or important to you, something to lose
  36. Jealous of experiences