Requested by Chrissy

A How To: Apple Roses 🍎🍏

Thanks @marginally_amazing If you want someone who doesn't bake to tell you how to bake then please read on. This is how I made apple roses at work today using uninformative pics and gifs.
  1. Start by suggesting that we do an apple bake off just because it's fall. Tell everyone that I won't be baking because that's not a thing that I do.
    Feel guilty for not participating and overcommit
  2. Because you don't bake you'll have to head to Walmart before work and buy things like a muffin tin, puff pastry, icing sugar, apricot jam
    Apples were from an Orchard. Don't be like Skinner.
  3. First cut the apple in half and then core. Start by using the wrong knife until someone suggests using a pairing knife.
  4. Try to thinly slice apples which is impossible.
    Use a mandoline. Not pictured.
  5. Apparently you should put the apples in cold water, with the juice of half a lemon. Then microwave it for 3 minutes.
    Was the cold water necessary? Really?
  6. The apricot jam needs to be heated as well, add a couple tablespoons of water and mix.
  7. Roll out your puff pastry
  8. Apply watered down jam to puff pastry
  9. Arrange apple slices on puff pastry, the skin of the apple slice should be just above the pastry and sprinkle cinnamon
    (Apparently the Internet has made cats playing Jenga a thing. These are indeed dark times, my friends)
  10. Somehow defy the laws of science and roll them up.
    Had to show you what I was expected to do so you understand the next step.
  11. Fail.
  12. Place in muffin tin and bake in the oven at 375 degrees Fahrenheit for 40 minutes
  13. Ice the apple roses USING a sieve
    Don't leave to take a phone call and have someone else put the icing sugar on them when it's out of the oven.
  14. Have them turn out nothing like you saw on your Instagram Explore feed
    But not as horribly as you thought it would.
  15. Have people tell you it tastes good but wonder if they're just saying that because you're the boss