CELEBRITIES I ACTUALLY HAVE A CRUSH ON BUT I THINK WE'D HAVE AN UNHAPPY LIFE TOGETHER
- •Richard AyoadeWe meet in Manchester, he's directing his latest movie and I'm on my way to visit every local venue played by Joy Division and The Smiths. We hit it off so well that he asks me to be the supervising music producer. We do the awards circuit as he's nominated for a BAFTA. Our relationship starts to strain when I realize he is much cooler than Moss and by extension me.
- •Oscar IsaacWe met at a local art exhibit celebrating the work of a mutual friend. We spend our Sundays at Farmers Markets and then meal prepping the rest of the week. We would eventually break up because he becomes way too into me.
- •Adam PallyWe met right after things end with Oscar. We enjoy each other's company, laugh constantly and no one else understands our weirdness and offensive jokes. I eventually realize I am the Penny to his Max and while that is the best case scenario we end things romantically but remain Penny and Max IRL.
- •Ryan GoslingWe take a cross-country road trip together across Canada because we're both proud Canadians. Somewhere along the trip I admit that I found Kerouac's On the Road pretentious and people who love is to be equally pretentious. We break up because he can't be with someone who doesn't love Kerouac and I can't be with someone who does. My ringtone for him is "Hotline Bling" after we break up.
- •Michael FassbenderWe have very brief fling and remained very good friends post-fling. I stop by to see him during rehearsals for his Titus Andronicus play in London since he promised that I can play with the props. One of his friend's and fellow actor also visits, I swoon, he becomes smitten...
- •Domhnall GleesonIntroduced by Fassy, we immediately hit it off. Our first date starts with dinner and walking around the streets of London. It's late and nowhere is left open. We head to art gallery, he knows the security guard who lets us in and hands us a pair of skates. He's planned this. We skate and fall in love in between almost breaking limbs. We marry in small ceremony. I have a tshirt that says "I married a Weasley" and he thinks it's cute. We stay together because he gets me.