Clearing the drafts in my head: Jamaica

  1. I'm apprehensive about my upcoming vacation. My cousin is getting married in Toronto and has decided to have his reception in Jamaica. Awesome, right?
  2. My family has a tendency to let any and all gatherings turn into a fight. My cousin and I have talked about weddings and this, I believe, is his way of limiting the opportunity of things turning into a shitshow on what should be his and his soon-to-be-wife's big day.
  3. Not everyone can make it so that takes of some. But it doesn't take care of everyone.
  4. My family is filled with alcoholics. They will now be on an all-inclusive resort.
  5. My dad will be there.
  6. I don't attend family events anymore. I usually hear about the drama after. Sometimes I'm assured that it wasn't my dad being an asshole being the cause.
  7. When I visit my mom and my dad those visits are brief. If he's drinking we argue. I stopped placating him a long time ago. I antagonize him as much as he antagonizes me.
  8. In less than two weeks I will be with some of these people that I haven't spent more than two hours with in 10 years.
  9. I don't know how I will react. How I will cope.
  10. I want to say that I will make sure I'm away from their bullshit but I also know I won't let it slide. I'll be drinking too, after all, and there are years of hate that I've repressed for a long time.
  11. I'm there for my cousin. I'm there because I need a break and fucking love Jamaica. But my family has ruined so much for me in the past that I don't know what will happen.
  12. I'm with them for five days. After that I'll be vacationing with my sister and her in-laws. They have invited me to their annual vacation. My brother-in-law's parents and their other son's family. I adore these people because they treat me like family. They are loving and supportive. Something I've never known before.
  13. I just need to make it 5 days to get to them.