1. I don't celebrate anniversaries or milestones, but this is something that I'm both surprised and proud of myself for accomplishing.
  2. I started smoking in high school and not because of peer pressure. I smoked in my room just because I wanted to. No one knew.
    I snuck cigarettes from my dad whenever possible. (The parents only found out I smoked well into adulthood, I never lied, I just never shared details of my life. Ever.)
  3. I justified smoking in many ways to myself.
    Boredom. Stress. Boredom. Stress.
  4. I knew I should stop and I did, a few times actually, but I would invariably start again because of whatever stressors were present.
  5. I didn't smoke at work because I knew if I did I would start planning my day around when I can smoke. I knew enough to know this would be my undoing.
  6. I knew it was disgusting and it was a crutch but I wasn't ready to stop.
  7. I used to count how many cigarettes I had and how long it would last me.
  8. I would make sure I had enough to get me through until the morning.
    If I was going out I would make sure I had an extra pack handy because places would be closed and I didn't want to be left without a cigarette before I went to bed and one to wake up to
  9. I would brave the cold. In Canada that should be an Olympic sport.
    Never smoking in doors. Never with kids around.
  10. I needed it to think
    No I didn't
  11. I needed it to relieve stress
    No I didn't
  12. It was act of solitude.
  13. I would go out to smoke to be alone. Especially if there was a party. I needed to be alone.
  14. Finally I started hating it after 20 years of smoking on and off.
  15. I was ready.
  16. I listened to Allen Carr's audiobook on a drive from Cornwall to Toronto. 4+ hours.
  17. As I pulled into the driveway of my sister's house I felt as though I had smoked my last cigarette. I broke all the remaining cigarettes in half and took deep breathe in my horribly smelly car.
  18. I began my life as a non-smoker
    So I thought.
  19. That night I hung out with my dearest friends and drank. I slipped almost immediately. At 3am I went into my car and smoked half of a broken cigarette, three drags and I hated myself.
  20. I was angry. I threw the rest out.
  21. The next three days weren't great. I tried to keep myself occupied. I had an all day budget meeting and I almost crumbled. But I didn't.
  22. I stopped smoking.
  23. Gained some weight but I stopped smoking.
  24. I decided that if I'm going to kill myself then I'm going to pick a more enjoyable way of doing so. Bring on the fried food.
  25. It has been both the hardest and the easiest thing I've ever done.
  26. I don't l usually congratulate myself.
  27. But fuck it.
  28. I stopped smoking and I'm proud of myself!