Real Lifehacks you will never see on (or Pinterest, etc.) ...

Thanks @mnickwrites for the request, I've been waiting for someone to ask me for ways on how I've made my life easier. Here are 5 ways I feel like I'm coasting/winning at this life thing.
  1. Tired of changing all your clocks because of daylight savings? Do what I do and don't. Ever. Live your life constantly subtracting one hour until time catches up with you. Keeps the ol' noggin sharp.
    Pictured: my clock. I know what time it is. Do you? Bonus points for catching the reference.
  2. Hate cooking? Find a small child and teach him how to cook. Babysitting?! More like Shome-sitting. Literally. I'm just sitting.
  3. Bonus pic. He's graduated to dinner service. He's making and testing asparagus.
  4. Want an easy way to get that one nosy cousin off your back when he's trying to have a conversation with you? Pretend you can't hear anything because of all the background noise and answer inappropriately at all times.
    Q: How's work going? A: Yeah it's getting muggy out. Q: When are you going to get married? A: the doctor said it's okay as long as it doesn't fall off (and look like the image above). Also works in clubs and bars.
  5. Want to wear superhero tshirts on the regular, but you're an almost 36 year old woman? Buy them for your growing nephews and then take it from them when they outgrow them.
    Also works with superhero socks. Also works with toys you've always wanted. That Woody doll is mine.
  6. There is no five. My life is pretty damn easy. If I had any more "hacks" it would unlock achievement level: sloth.
    I'm saving that for my 40s.