Reasons I'm Not Messaging Guys On My Online Dating App

Yeah I'm sure I could have come up with a more succinct title. I bit the bullet partially in solidarity with a work friend and partially because I haven't dated in a long time and I need to reacquaint myself with the dating scene.
  1. He's in the same city I'm in
    It's a small city.
  2. He looks like he spends way too much time at the gym
    I'm a tiny human with soft, doughy spots.
  3. Messages with the prospect of running away together
    Slow your roll, bro
  4. User name includes "hotbod" or "stallion"
  5. He asks if me if I want to sit on his dick
  6. He asks me what my ass looks like
  7. Less than a day with an account, folks.
    Might update if my soul isn't crushed by all this
  8. Profile deleted. I actually lasted longer than I thought I would.