The men I know and their advice for me

I was brought up around stellar men. Most of them are jackasses (my grandfather is a saint and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise) and they liked to tell their daughters and nieces who they should be
  1. A woman is supposed to go from her father's house to her husband's house
    What I was told that I was moving out to live in Kensington Market in Toronto. Apparently travelling to my sketchy hometown at 11pm at night was safer than being 10 minutes away from my last late night class (all my classes ended late).
  2. Men don't like women who drink beer from the bottle
    I always do this out of defiance
  3. A woman should always have dinner ready for when her husband comes home
    Hahahahaha sorry future husband
  4. You're not supposed to have male friends. And they're not supposed to black. People will talk.
    Yeah my family is racist.
  5. You really should settle down. Are you, like dating?
    No hosting orgies takes up a lot of my time.
  6. A woman is supposed to worship her husband
    I've never been one to worship anything.
  7. Men don't like women who don't agree with them. You're too challenging
    Then I'm shit out of luck, I guess
  8. You shouldn't swear, it's not ladylike
    Fuck fuckity fuck
  9. Women should not smoke
    I probably started smoking because it was so taboo. No women in my family has ever done it. It was the most unheard thing imageable for them
  10. You need to dress like a girl
    I wore ties before Avril Lavigne did.
  11. You should lose weight
    Thanks I'm 11