Things I've said and what I've actually meant

  1. "Hey, I'm on my way to your place is there anything I can bring?"
    Actual meaning: Do you have enough alcohol or shall I bring more. I'll just bring more.
  2. "I don't think your parents would like you taking the lord's name in vain"
    Actual meaning: You. You I like.
  3. "It's no problem, we can reschedule"
    Actual meaning: Thank fuck I get to do nothing now.
  4. "No, I'm not busy right now"
    Actual meaning: Please don't ask me to solve your problems.
  5. *hmmm*
    Actual meaning: If I say something right now our friendship might end. P.S. Your boyfriend is an asshole.