I'm not perfect. I'm a bit of a jerk. The dynamic between the kids (and their parents) and I is probably a bit odd but it works for us. I wouldn't have it any other way. The anti-auntie list The Auntie-List
  1. When the niece says "I don't think this is appropriate for me to watch"
    There was a bad word said in the movie, I said "maybe you should leave the room then."
  2. When the nephew told me I couldn't cut an apple properly, I told him to do it if he was going to be critical. I don't need that pressure.
    I didn't let him because he was 4. I can cut an apple, damnit. His poor future wife is gonna have a hard time living up to mommy.
  3. When the niece said "you probably shouldn't swear in front of us"
    "Yes. Yes you're right and I apologize for that. I said a word I should not have and will try to remember that you're around to not say such things, but that guy was a total asshole."
  4. My niece telling me that they should have breakfast
    My response "can't you guys take care of that yourselves yet? I'm not a breakfast person." Can you tell that she keeps me in check?
  5. Whenever any kid says "don't worry you don't have to get up"
    They know me too well, but I should probably get up from the couch.
  6. When I tell them that if they don't listen I'm never coming back.
    They know it's a bluff but it's a shitty thing to threaten.
  7. When I ask the kids if their parents divorced who would they live with.
    Again. Shitty thing to do. 1 out of 3 says me and yes that is what I'm fishing for.
  8. Being hungover during my pre-planned day with my niece.
    I made it through but I really shouldn't have been hung over (my birthday was the day before, I say hoping that makes it slightly okay)
  9. When I encouraged them to do "bad things" and they ask me if their parents said it was okay.
    Dude, I'm legally an adult. Live a little. It was food related, I think I let them eat sundaes before bedtime and they were nervous.
  10. Times I scolded them for selling me out.
    Stop snitching muthafucka (not the Mulaney gif I was searching for but it will have to do)
  11. When I let my 6 year old nephew watch Kubo and the Two Strings with me, which resulted in him having nightmares (poor kid already has night terrors)
    He was pretty descriptive about his nightmare too so I know it stuck with him. All I could say was, "I'm sorry. I get nightmares too. Just remember in your dreams you're in charge, you can be the hero and defeat the bad guys. I promise you will wake up and be safe."