MY EXPERIENCE WITH QUICKSAND

Quicksand can be a cruel bitch @evak @chrisgill
  1. 1.
    The first step to getting into trouble with quicksand:
    Accept an invitation to church camp. Yes, church camp. This camp takes place in the Willamette on what was affectionately referred to as "Peanut Island." We were-for a week-a little water locked nation of worshippers, full of hope.
  2. 2.
    The second step to getting into trouble with quicksand:
    Be kind of too much of a hussy to be at church camp. I mean that hot camp counselor? Stop wondering what he's up to! And definitely stop flirting with him.
  3. 3.
    The third step to getting into trouble with quicksand:
    Develop a 'Three Phase Plan of Seduction' to take place during the week of church camp.
  4. 4.
    The fourth step to getting into trouble with quicksand:
    Enter phase one, Plant the seeds of passion: Flirting while inner tubing. Volunteer to go inner tubing only when he's driving the boat. He's in college so he's SO good at driving boats. Wear a two piece and your cross.
  5. 5.
    The fifth step to getting into trouble with quicksand:
    Get him to choose you as a prayer buddy. While inner tubing, confide in him about how awful middle school was. You were always picked last..
  6. 6.
    The sixth step to getting into trouble with quicksand:
    Enter phase two, Create a place of trust, a friendship: He picks you as a prayer buddy! This means he basically touches your back while you pray, FOR AS LONG AS YOU PRAY. You see where this is going.
  7. 7.
    The seventh step to getting into trouble with quicksand:
    Getting Hottie Counselor Boo to ask you out on a date. A church camp date. He does. You're going to meet him after dinner for a "walk." You are old enough to know what happens on walks. So is he.
  8. 8.
    The eighth step to getting into trouble with quicksand:
    Sneak off with HCB away from the encampment. Passions are running high, just as you intended. Suddenly in the dark, you both realize that you're sort of trudging through some weird earth. Once like 15 seconds go by you realize that you're knee deep in actual fucking quicksand.
  9. 9.
    You're sinking quickly and have no choice but to call for help:
    You're found nipple high in the gunk, you both get in a lot of trouble for sneaking off to kiss in the woods. The youth pastor is explaining the happenstance of the situation and how he's "not saying God intervened, but maybe the quicksand was a message."
  10. 10.
    You can't stop thinking about how your plan of seduction would have been perfect, had you accounted for:
    QUICKSAND.
  11. 11.
    You vow to never go to Church Camp again.