INSTEAD OF SLEEPING I...

  1. Cleaned my shoes in the sink
  2. Made a smoothie to which I impulsively added leftover cookie dough
  3. Didn't drink the smoothie because it tasted bad
  4. Thought to myself "it's dumb that smoothies are called smoothies. Smooth isn't even in the top ten adjectives I'd use to describe smoothies. They should be called coldies or fruities or false-sense-of-self-righteous-health-consciousness-ies"
  5. Thought about tweeting that but it didn't fit
  6. Watched the same episode of "last night tonight" basically two whole times because toward the end I bumped it with my elbow and it started over
  7. Googled "made a smoothie with some bleach remnants on my hands from washing my shoes in the sink will I die"
  8. Listed about it
  9. I have to wake up in 6 hours