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Being a good wingman (or wingwoman) is a selfless act and specialized skill. Here are some items guaranteed to make your evening of winging a success.
- 1.Drink money (as the Wingman, it’s likely your friend’s date will only pay for her)
- 2.Gum (not for yourself)
- 3.Hairspray (also not for yourself)
Still not sure he’s your boyfriend? It happens. In the meantime, use these suggested titles when introducing your man. “Hi everyone, I’d like you to meet my . . . ”
- •Main Melon
- •Man of Honor
- •Kind Sir
- •YOU: Start a book club. HE: Starts a fight club. COMPROMISE: After an intriguing dissection of the latest John Grisham novel, your friends exchange blows to decide who picks next week’s book.
- •YOU: Enjoy walking around the farmers market on the weekend. HE: Plays flag football with the boys on Sundays. COMPROMISE: Give him a concussion when he least expects it as you hike a baby squash towards him at the market. Just like football! Samesies.
- •YOU: Throw a low-key New Years Eve dinner party. HE: Goes to a rager in at the Cosmopolitan in Las Vegas. COMPROMISE: Throw a dinner party at home but hire a tough bouncer to guard the door and charge all of his friends a cover fee but let your girl friends in for free.
For when your date is the worst person ever.
- •My roommate is having a funeral tonight for our fern that died. Peace out!
- •I forgot to take my schizophrenia medication. “Shut up, Carla!” “No, you shut up!” Ciao!
- •I’m trying to win this scavenger hunt. Thanks for knocking “dinner with a stranger” off the list. Bye!
Because meeting IRL is hard.
- •Would you rather go bald or go blind?
- •I was a twin, would you like me more or less?
- •Did you know that grapes explode in the microwave?