EXCUSES TO LEAVE A DATE EARLY
For when your date is the worst person ever.
- •My roommate is having a funeral tonight for our fern that died. Peace out!
- •I forgot to take my schizophrenia medication. “Shut up, Carla!” “No, you shut up!” Ciao!
- •I’m trying to win this scavenger hunt. Thanks for knocking “dinner with a stranger” off the list. Bye!
- •My dog has a date with another dog. See ya!
- •I have a lot of work to catch up on—fourteen shows on Netflix, Amazon, Vimeo, and DVR. Hasta luego!
- •Jimmy Choo has an online sale that starts at midnight. Ta-ta!
- •I know this ankle bracelet looks like a Fitbit, but I’m actually on house arrest. Cheerio!
- •I accidentally called myself an Uber. I’d cancel but I don’t want to get charged. Farewell!
- •I mistakenly scheduled another date back-to-back. My bad. Au revoir!
- •I’m a Scientologist and I need to perform my nightly purification ritual against Xenu. So long!