1. he really wants to cuddle with a panda
  2. chess should get justice for the wrongdoings of the Toy Hall of Fame
  3. Wikipedia Brown is a dick
  4. a guy who puts frozen cubes of water in his glass of water really likes water
  5. if you think he's cute now, you should have seen him a couple of years ago
  6. you can't get from JFK airport to the University of Rochester in fourteen minutes
  7. Tylenol cold medicine will clear your sinuses
  8. trademarking Salvatore's Old Fashioned Pizzeria's slogan is a waste of money
  9. Mr. Compromise wasn't his first choice for a nickname
  10. Wetzel never had a chance of being the science guy
  11. he's hilarious and much less of an ass hole than Ryan Howard
  12. he doesn't overthink how one should consume a taco
  13. that's what she said