Things I Hate About Nye

New Year's Eve sucks ass. Why?
  1. People
    They are fucking everywhere. Go home, people. You're crowding my space.
  2. Fire crackers
    The dumbass who came up with the whole "hey, let's get drunk and play with explosives" thing should be rubbed down with sandpaper.
  3. Pressure
    You have to have fun. It has to be memorable. You've got to hang out with your friends. You must have a party. You can't not do anything. Oh yeah? Watch me have a miserable time all by myself and forget all about it later.
  4. The actual new year
    New Year's is kind of like a birthday: a party intended to mask the underlying fact that I'm just getting older.
  5. Next morning's jokes
    "I haven't taken a dump all year" etc. See my other list.