BEST EPISODES OF MARRIED WITH CHILDREN

Submissions welcome
  1. Ep. 105 "Titicaca"
    Al grows frustrated when he can't figure out why the living room smells terrible. After a lengthy investigation involving him hilariously sniffing every surface of the room, he realizes Peg has been stuffing her bra full of turds. B-plot involves Bud taking a nude figure drawing class, where he’s awarded a blue ribbon after accidentally ejaculating all over his canvas.
  2. Ep 421 - "Good Reading"
    Al wins a contest to be a guest photographer at The Nipples, a pornographic magazine, but it falls apart when the neighborhood men grow fiercely jealous and storm the photoshoot, killing every member of the company. A sad Al is left alone in a destroyed warehouse, weeping. B-plot involves Peg discovering yoga and spraining her perineum.
  3. Ep. 509 - "Plantars: The Nickel Lunch"
    After Bud rips an enormous wart off the arch of his foot with a pair of pliers and feeds it to a squirrel, a number of the creatures begin perching on his windowsill at night, rapping on the window. He begins paying classmates for their warts to abate the squirrels’ hunger, but it only exacerbates the problem. B-plot involves Kelly realizing she can’t read.
  4. Ep. 316 - "Beaver Cleaver"
    An obese woman has been coming into the shoe store and forcing Al to try shoes on her feet, which wouldn’t be a problem if he didn’t have to come face to face with her "camel toe" every time (this is punctuated by a foghorn and Al’s eyes crossing). He ultimately solves the problem by viciously mocking her widow status until she leaves. B-plot involves Bud selling photos of Kelly’s underwear to members of the Coast Guard so he can buy marijuana.
  5. Ep. 218 - "Come Out Come Out"
    When Peg discovers the family dog is of a rare breed, she starts renting the animal out for a stud fee of $10,000. Despite getting obscenely rich from it, the dog’s promiscuity makes Al feel inadequate. He begins sneaking into the dog’s room at night and draining its semen into a balloon. Kelly finds the balloons in Al’s closet while trying to steal money and mistakes them for heroin. She sells them to children. B-plot involves Bud getting a summer job shoveling slime.