POSSIBLE REASONS STACY'S MOM HAS GOT IT GOIN' ON

Fountains of Wayne RIP
  1. She's independently wealthy.
    Could be dope. Wouldn't have to buy dinner. Kinda be like your mom, too. But you could do her. Plus probably getting alimony. $$
  2. Has a pool.
    Rad!
  3. Husband walked out on her.
    Desperate for the D?
  4. Goes on Business trips.
    A. Could bring you along. Maybe she does Bizness in Japan or The Carribean. B. You'll get the alone time you crave.
  5. Has a lawn that needs to be mowed.
    Hellllllooooo HOMEOWNER!!
  6. Has a towel.
    Towels are useful.
  7. Has a daughter roughly your age.
    Think how funny it'd be to be like, "No. We aren't dating. This is my DAUGHTER, for Crissakes."