THINGS I DO THAT WOULD MAKE MY BELOVED GRANDFATHER SHAKE HIS HEAD IN SHAME

His name was Gordon and he was a great guy.
  1. I flush my dog's poop down the toilet
  2. How often I say to my dog in a high pitched voice, "I am pupper"
  3. I can't drive stick
  4. I don't have a gun
  5. I don't use a gun
  6. I hate guns
  7. Scared of spiders
  8. Engaged to a Latina
  9. Don't wear multiple gold rings
    IDK. He was a real character
  10. I can only make eggs
  11. I watch "girls shows"
    Movies, TV, "Girls"
  12. I don't shovel snow/mow a lawn
  13. I don't have employees
  14. I don't exclusively vacation in National Parks/Branson
  15. I need to be taught blackjack every time I play blackjack
  16. I get facials
  17. Don't read Louis L'Amour
  18. Don't drive "American Cars"
    American Cars=Cadillacs
  19. I don't call lunch "supper"
  20. I love "fancy" cheese
    Parmesan