Left Swipes

My left swipe has gotten aggressive. Here's why.
  1. Most hats make me cringe
    Just say NOOOO to pork pies, Trilbys, fedoras, boaters, or bowlers of any kind
  2. Highlights on men make me sad
    I mean...I just can't with this.
  3. I don't want to play guess who with your group photos
    Because it's never the sexual bearded one. It's always the awkward one in the wrap around Oakleys leaning into the photo with a beer in one hand.
  4. Cats. Woof.
    I'm allergic....But mostly they just make me uncomfortable.
  5. Marathon Runners, triathletes, tough mudders are too disciplined and hardcore for me.
    I work out. I enjoy it. I also enjoy wine, burgers, ice cream smothered in peanut butter sauce and sleeping late. So anyone who is going to frown when I order pizza with bacon, pineapple, and jalapeños or expect me to run anywhere is just out.
  6. I find Vegans really unattractive. And for that matter vegetarians? (Haters gonna hate)
    I went to Trader Joe's recently and bought all meat...there's not going to be any love there.
  7. Pictures of you and your 'bros' in Vegas makes me roll my eyes
    'There's a really funny story about that picture' --No, actually. There isn't.
  8. Bathroom selfies with the lifted shirt/selfies that are meant to show off his pubic bones make me laugh out loud
    I instantly picture James Franco in Springbreakers, chant 'DTF DTF DTF!' and emphatically swipe left.
  9. I judge Ugly Ties/Awful formalwear
    This I think is an occupational bias. Adult men should own one nice suit that fits them. A dress shirt that isn't a color that Skittles come in. And a tie that didn't come in a set with aforementioned shirt. Any of those also imply that his shoes will have square toes or be those terrible slip-on square toe 'dress' shoes and that is something I just can't abide
  10. THE FREQUENCY OF PROFILES LIKE THIS
  11. I can't handle DJ's
    I can't take you seriously while you're listening to that one headphone
  12. Golfing is not sexy
    I cannot and will not ever want to fuck a man that wears a white canvas visor and a pastel polo shirt tucked into dad khakis.
  13. All the pics of you with X person's kids does NOT light my uterus or my heart on fire
    Period.