My left swipe has gotten aggressive. Here's why.
- •Most hats make me cringeJust say NOOOO to pork pies, Trilbys, fedoras, boaters, or bowlers of any kind
- •Highlights on men make me sadI mean...I just can't with this.
- •I don't want to play guess who with your group photosBecause it's never the sexual bearded one. It's always the awkward one in the wrap around Oakleys leaning into the photo with a beer in one hand.
- •Cats. Woof.I'm allergic....But mostly they just make me uncomfortable.
- •Marathon Runners, triathletes, tough mudders are too disciplined and hardcore for me.I work out. I enjoy it. I also enjoy wine, burgers, ice cream smothered in peanut butter sauce and sleeping late. So anyone who is going to frown when I order pizza with bacon, pineapple, and jalapeños or expect me to run anywhere is just out.
- •I find Vegans really unattractive. And for that matter vegetarians? (Haters gonna hate)I went to Trader Joe's recently and bought all meat...there's not going to be any love there.
- •Pictures of you and your 'bros' in Vegas makes me roll my eyes'There's a really funny story about that picture' --No, actually. There isn't.
- •Bathroom selfies with the lifted shirt/selfies that are meant to show off his pubic bones make me laugh out loudI instantly picture James Franco in Springbreakers, chant 'DTF DTF DTF!' and emphatically swipe left.
- •I judge Ugly Ties/Awful formalwearThis I think is an occupational bias. Adult men should own one nice suit that fits them. A dress shirt that isn't a color that Skittles come in. And a tie that didn't come in a set with aforementioned shirt. Any of those also imply that his shoes will have square toes or be those terrible slip-on square toe 'dress' shoes and that is something I just can't abide
- •THE FREQUENCY OF PROFILES LIKE THIS
- •I can't handle DJ'sI can't take you seriously while you're listening to that one headphone
- •Golfing is not sexyI cannot and will not ever want to fuck a man that wears a white canvas visor and a pastel polo shirt tucked into dad khakis.
- •All the pics of you with X person's kids does NOT light my uterus or my heart on firePeriod.