Things I Hate About Pedicures

Live. From the Spabelles on 20th and 7th. I am writing this only to distract me from what's happening below my ankles
  1. Forcing any human to see and touch my feet
    Shopping is legitimately my cardio. I walk an average of 10-13 miles a day. You think I am exaggerating, but I am not. The result is some pretty gnarly tootsies.
  2. The sound and feel of a nail file
    She is doing this now and my skin is CRAWLING. I am actually writhing as I write this and want to run out of this place and never look back. But the disapproving look on my mother's face if I show up in San Francisco tomorrow with unpedicured feet is just enough to make me sit through this agony
  3. That sanding block thing
    I am ticklish. But also, something about that process makes me feel reeeeaaally uncomfortable so while it goes on I just close my eyes and go to another place.
  4. When the pedicurist calls the other pedicurists over and they speculate about my feet in a language I can't understand
    This is not paranoia. This happens to me maybe every other pedicure. See: the first article in this list. My feet are kinda jacked. If I got more pedicures this would happen less. However...see, again, the first article. It's a vicious vicious cycle.
  5. How f-ing long they take
    Or is this, again, a bi-product of my horrible feet?! (I realize that by all of this talk of my gnarly feet I have ruined my chances of courting any single sexual bearded gentlemen reading this that maybe thought I was witty and cute based on other lists. Oh well.)
  6. That they are just kinda a necessary evil
    Again. For the last time. See first article of this unnecessary list.