My birthday is next month. This is everything I would want for my party that I will not be having
  1. An Elvis impersonator
  2. Hot dog truck
  3. A million doughnuts
  4. Indoor bounce house
  5. VODKA
  6. Pizza out the wazoo
  7. Many 30 racks of every cheap beer I love
  8. A Happy Meal for everyone to go home with at the end
  9. "Bowls and bowls of cigarettes"
    Just kidding!