THINGS MY 80 YEAR OLD NEIGHBOR TOLD ME IN THE HOT TUB

I just nodded and smiled...
  1. "Tyler, you have to live by the 4 F's. Find'em. Feel'em. Fuck'em. Forget'em."
  2. "Did you know America has 4-5 unused concentration camps?"
  3. "Heil Hitler!"
  4. "You're going to see some major changes around here when Trump becomes president..."
  5. "I almost threw up when that black fella almost kissed what's her face in that new space movie... Star Wars!"
  6. "I used to crash weddings just to eat all the free food and to fuck broads."
  7. "Obama just hates America. There's no other explanation for his actions."
  8. "Tyler, you look pretty young. How many broads have you been through by now? 200? 300?"
  9. "I've actually crashed 4 presidential dinners. You show a press pass and the young broads working at the door look at you like you're a God."
  10. "You have to treat your body right. I didn't smoke, drink, do drugs. That's how I made it to 80. Male life expectancy is only 75, see?"
    While I downed my 3rd beer...