Ways in which the 2016 Democratic Primary is like Mean Girls

(with a very loose time frame)
  1. Bernie Sanders is Cady Heron
    An outsider candidate for the popular vote but gains traction and wins over all kinds of people, the math nerds, gays & lesbians, Tina Fey (in a perfect world).
  2. Cady Heron is entering public school for the first time.
  3. She starts by befriending the best people you will meet, Janis and Damian, a supposedly lesbian girl and a "too gay to function" boy.
  4. Janis & Damian are the Independent voters
  5. Cady is warned to avoid "the worst people you will ever meet", The Plastics.
  6. The DNC are the Plastics
    Just doing whatever the fuck they want, whenever they want.
  7. Cady joins and gets assimilated into the group of three unkind girls, Gretchen, Karen, and Regina, the leader of the group.
  8. Hillary Clinton is Regina George
    A life long politician and plastic, it's "her turn" now.
  9. Cady becomes a "hit" with the plastics only for Janis to ask her to sabotage them.
  10. A bunch of arguing and slighting each other goes back and forth between Cady and Regina culminating in the release of the Burn Book.
  11. DNC Emails are The Burn Book
  12. Even more chaos ensues and Regina is hit by a bus.
  13. Bernie 2016 campaign is The Bus
    Hitting Hillary with more progressive stances since 2015
  14. Eventually, Cady swallows her pride and realizes she can fix the problem by rallying everyone and saying we have a common enemy (Trump) and that we are stronger together.
  15. The End *~
  16. Kevin G. 2016
  17. Donald Trump is the Gym Teacher
    "Don't have sex. Because you will get pregnant and die."