Ways in which the 2016 Democratic Primary is like Mean Girls
(with a very loose time frame)
- •Bernie Sanders is Cady HeronAn outsider candidate for the popular vote but gains traction and wins over all kinds of people, the math nerds, gays & lesbians, Tina Fey (in a perfect world).
- •Cady Heron is entering public school for the first time.
- •She starts by befriending the best people you will meet, Janis and Damian, a supposedly lesbian girl and a "too gay to function" boy.
- •Janis & Damian are the Independent voters
- •Cady is warned to avoid "the worst people you will ever meet", The Plastics.
- •The DNC are the PlasticsJust doing whatever the fuck they want, whenever they want.
- •Cady joins and gets assimilated into the group of three unkind girls, Gretchen, Karen, and Regina, the leader of the group.
- •Hillary Clinton is Regina GeorgeA life long politician and plastic, it's "her turn" now.
- •Cady becomes a "hit" with the plastics only for Janis to ask her to sabotage them.
- •A bunch of arguing and slighting each other goes back and forth between Cady and Regina culminating in the release of the Burn Book.
- •DNC Emails are The Burn Book
- •Even more chaos ensues and Regina is hit by a bus.
- •Bernie 2016 campaign is The BusHitting Hillary with more progressive stances since 2015
- •Eventually, Cady swallows her pride and realizes she can fix the problem by rallying everyone and saying we have a common enemy (Trump) and that we are stronger together.
- •The End *~
- •Kevin G. 2016
- •Donald Trump is the Gym Teacher"Don't have sex. Because you will get pregnant and die."