1. It's a popular wedding reception destination. If you're a wedding crasher, stay here on a Saturday. If not, pick one of the other six days.
  2. Sipping coffee in the lobby on Sunday morning after hosting multiple wedding receptions is prime people watching.
  3. From the brochure, "The Grotto takes you on a journey of sight, sound and touch to engage your senses and reinvigorate your soul." From the crowded reality, sight = dark and trashed; sound = loud; touch = moist and warm.
  4. Also from the brochure, "THE ELMS SIGNATURE MESSAGE - Two of our most popular services, hot stone massage and vichy shower massage, all in one incredible service. Experience the ultimate in relaxation with this unique service." From reality, truth in advertising! It is the ULTIMATE!
  5. The staff is friendly and gracious.