Reasons I Was Late

I usually blame my lateness on being a marketer. We are, after all, usually the last ones to arrive at meetings. But, if I am honest, there are very real reasons that do not reflect "my lack of respect for everyone's time". Thank you, HR person who doesn't have to do any actual work that relates to our business. I see how it is.
  1. 10.
    Last Meeting Ran Long
    This idea we've been pushing that all meetings should end at 10 minutes to the top of the hour is great. But it's not working. And I really needed a bio break. So, yes, I'm late because I had to tinkle.
  2. 9.
    Construction! [insert fists of fury]
    I live in a downtown area that's only 1.3 miles across. But that space is packed with construction cranes and street blockages. It's like the City Council was afraid to say no to ANYTHING. Why is one of the workers directing traffic and the other three observing? That party room with theatre on the 22nd floor isn't going to build itself.
  3. 8.
    Moving Trucks
    Apartment dwellers, I feel for you. Some of these fancy condos you're moving into restrict move-ins to certain days of the week. As near as I can tell, your huge trucks may only be unloaded on Saturday morning when I am on my way to see Jeff the Barber. And your deliveries from Crate and Barrel are not helping me either.
  4. 7.
    Light Rail
    No, no. I am not blaming public transportation schedules for making me late. If I were actually taking the light rail, this entry wouldn't even be here. Instead, I drive myself. But those dang barrier arms always come down when I am approaching the rail line. Always.
  5. 6.
    Demanding French Bulldog
    My sweet puppy loves to sleep in. She is the last one up at our house and the hardest one to pry out of bed to go tinkle. (No problem for me. I'm up twice a night like clockwork.) And once she IS outside, there are SO MANY SMELLS TO EVALUATE. These must all be catalogued before tinkling may commence. Delays.
  6. 5.
    Colleague in With Cute Pet Assistant
    Janet, you are killing me with these instant messages. I actually have to come to an office and be productive. And appear to be engaged in meetings. Your assistant, the cat, is awfully cute and normally I would love another picture with caption about how lazy your assistant is. But not today, Janet. Not. Today.
  7. 4.
    Doctor Appointment
    At first, this was just a nice way to break up the day. Dentist appointment first thing in the morning, exam with my primary just after lunch. But now I am falling apart and these visits are so frequent, even I'm beginning to wonder whether I'm interviewing.
  8. 3.
    Lost Track of Time
    These new Bose noise cancelling headphones are the sh*t. I can get lost in a Spotify Deep House haze while plowing through those sell sheet drafts like nobody's business. No wonder I looked up and realized I was 5 minutes late to your meeting. Sorry, not sorry. That new track from Skylar Spence was totally worth it.
  9. 2.
    On the Phone with a Customer
    I am frequently victim of sudden fires that customers need addressed RIGHT NOW. And they're the most important thing. Customers come first! Right? Oh, Mr. Senior Leader, I see now that your fragile ego is more important than our brand promise. My mistake.
  10. 1.
    Vice President Just Stopped Me in the Hallway
    I would argue this one should not be questioned. And I'd much rather do the hallway drive-by than be grilled in a meeting. Oh, that's what this meeting was for? My apologies. Please continue.