1. Use a live bird as a fork.
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    You can grip the feet and eat off the beak or grip the head and eat off the feet. Your choice
  2. Have the cast of Girls wrestle you to the ground and one by one vomit a small amount of polenta into your open mouth
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    Make sure you say thank you each time
  3. Smear some polenta on Philip Roth's bald head and lick it clean
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  4. Stand under a rapidly ascending hot air balloon (your first love is the sole passenger) and take a bite of polenta at the precise moment the balloon becomes entangled in power lines and bursts into flames
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  5. During your appearance on Jeopardy, maintain a solid lead throughout the episode and then, instead of participating in Final Jeopardy, cram as much polenta as possible into your mouth and pass out
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  6. With Lewis Lapham
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  7. Buy some polenta, dress it in human clothes, and raise it as your son for a decade before devouring it at its tenth birthday party
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  8. With your dad
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    This is only mind blowing if you're meeting him for the first time and instead of speaking you eat polenta in total silence