A MEMORY FROM EVERY STATE I'VE BEEN IN

  1. New York
    My friend Philip put a parakeet down the front of his mom's shirt at a party and then tried to scare it out by whacking her with a broom while she ran around screaming and tearing at her clothes
  2. New Jersey
    Read Watchmen for the first time on Easter while my parents and grandparents played slots in AC
  3. Connecticut
    Almost drowned another kid in my aunts pool
  4. Massachusetts
    Met a dude walking a rat on a string in Harvard square, he tried to seduce my friend
  5. Delaware
    I have driven through Delaware
  6. North Carolina
    Jumped behind the wheel of my cousins truck and almost plowed it through a Dairy Queen when I was 9
  7. South Carolina
    Myrtle Beach looks much cooler at night
  8. Florida
    A pelican tried to eat my Thundercats figures
  9. Texas
    Saw a family of 5 almost get hit by a car trying to get their picture taken on the spot where JFK got shot, later paid a homeless man to show me around the grassy knoll
  10. New Mexico
    Very pretty
  11. Arizona
    A one eyed drunk in a dive bar wanted me to help him steal a table he swore had BB Kings autograph carved into it
  12. Tennessee
    Got the flu
  13. Oklahoma
    Walked around the bombing memorial while suffering the flu I got in Tennessee
  14. Arkansas
    Everyone had a lame haircut
  15. Alabama
    Had to flee from a hotel because some dude was coming to murder me
  16. Mississippi
    'Let's keep driving until we're away from all this'
  17. Nevada
    So sleepy driving to Las Vegas that I drank more and more water reasoning that the pain of having to urinate would keep me awake. It worked
  18. Illinois
    Hated the pizza, loved reading all the Mike Royko columns on the wall of the Billy Goat tavern
  19. Minnesota
    Saw doZens of enormous rabbits under an overpass
  20. DC
    Every field trip
  21. Georgia
    Almost accidentally killed my hosts dog and bought a bunch of Uncle Tupelo albums
  22. Maryland
    Saw The White Stripes, Jack stopped the show when he found a spider onstage
  23. West Virginia
    Ate at a Burger King with a smoking section
  24. Virginia
    Where I am
  25. California
    Why am I not there now?